oh my gosh

ive been bad

i did bad stuff

pray for me..

uh noooooooo!

i dont care, you shouldnt care, so yeah

please get your blubber ass out of my bussiness

thank you very much

={

hmmm.
Next week is the last week of school.. hahaha
No one likes me hahaha
but im not going to FIT in to be someone friend.
so ill just stay hated. i hate to fit in. cause if i dont
fit in, why be in?
w

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Hmmm lots of feelings and things going on. Dont know where to start. This is the only place i can write my feelings out cause no one really reads this crap lol. Well im really happy for everything, i mean my 'happy' life just started a month ago. I've been waiting for this kind of life. I've been praying, praying, praying, praying, praying and praying. and when i was about to give up i got it. But im sure its going to end soon cause i know that i cant have this kinda life forever. But i wish time could end right now this moment. I have EVERYTHING i ever need in my WHOLE entire life... i have a good christian life, good family life, im getting good grades, my parents are buying me things i want, such as ipod, cloth, shoes, etc. I mean what more could i possibly want? Its been so long that ive waited for this kinda life. Even tho i dont have a 'great' friend life, it doesnt effect my life. Cause you know, their gonna leave anyways, why go crazy over a friend when i know their going to leave me, when i know theres not always gonna be there for me. I've always wanted a friend who would always be there for me but now i guess i dont need it cause it doesnt make me any happier. Now im started to relize how important my life is, and how important my future is. Now, im not just a young girl looking for friends, and guys. But im looking at my future, looking at who i would be in about 10 years. How much happier i would get by then. Im also relizing how short life is and that i should do what i have to do as a student. My life is changing. I want it to change. Though i hate my school, and tho i dislike the people who look down on me, what can i say? This is life, i cant do anything about what God has givin me. Maybe God is giving me my own hard times so i can learn from all of it and that i would grow stronger, and maybe now is the time that he is giving me a break so i can enjoy my summer, and then maybe he will start giving me test, so i can become stronger in Christ. Theres alot of things i dislike and i wish was gone out of my life forever, and that i would be happy forever and ever. But if i was happy forever, then probably would think i dont need God, i would be selfish and mean and yeah. But the 'hard' times are there for a reason, i my hate it to death, but if i think about it, im thankful that i went through those hard times cause it helped me become more faithful in God and it helped me to become physically stronger, and it just helped me alot. I know that theres like 100000000000000000000000 more hard times i would have to go though but im ready for it, im ready to learn from it. Theres a quote saying "No Pain, No Gain" and its TOTALLY TRUE! i mean common if there was no pain, then we wouldnt GAIN anything! MU HA HA HA HA well yeah im happy like crazy right now, im trying to make the best of it. Nothing else to say (:


Remember...


no pain, no gain

Mannn..
i thought i was happy :( i thought everything was perfect.. im having a good christian life... im getting all A's and im so happy about everything mostly.. but why is it that i feel very left out and feel like im nothing... this is was i always wanted.. seriouly this was EVERYTHING i've ever wanted but i guess everything i want isnt satisfying me... man i hate this so much. Why cant i have a friend that is just here right now when i need them...? why cant i have a best friend to let my worries out? why cant i just trust one person.? why cant i have one friend that can understand me? why cant i have a friend i would love me no matter WHAT i do? why cant i have a friend who could listen to my problems and help me out instead of trying to ruin it more? why is it that when i start liking someone, someone always takes that away? why do i always have to be the one LETTING my SPECIAL things go? why do I HAVE TO LET IT GO? why cant i have it? why does everyone else have to have it? this.... makes me feel like shit. cause i cant get the people who really mean something to me, who means something to my life.. its alway the ones i dont need that are left behind, the people i dont trust, people who betray me, people who dont like me for who i am, people who just dont give a shit about me.. and this is what i hate, this is what makes me feel the worst, this is what makes my happiness to shitness. i hate this. very much...

i look at myself in the mirror thinking who the hell is that? thinking why im infront of that mirror living.. all i've ever wanted is a good friend.. a best friend.. a friend that can stay forever.. no matter where the hell in the world we are.. a friend that would still love me and consider me as a best friend. that is what i want. cause that is part of my happiness and happiness is what i would say i live for. I do live for God. i do. i do i do. but i also live for happiness. i feel that life should be enjoyed in happiness. If life doesnt treat me good.. who else would? i want to make it through this world. but i guess there is no one to make it through with... and its sad. theres no one on this earth who even trust me. and thats uber sad seriouly. no one trust me. funny. whatever. f*ck this life homiee.

one day i will die. and it will be the end so whats the point of living the life if its gonna end and your gonna lose everything anyways. omgosh whatever. i dont give a shit anymores. whatever.